After leaving work yesterday to find that some douchenozzle had locked his bike to mine I ended up having to leave it there and Metro home to walk my dog. I then headed back but it was still locked so I went to Foufs with friends for beers before the Punch Brothers show.
Luckily the concert hall was close to my bike but I wasn’t able to get the damn thing finally unlocked until after the show… and a few beers.
Now I do not advocate drinking and bicycling, and had I been completely drunk I would have never biked home. However I was just a tad gibbled… and may have had a toke 2 hours before (which I hardly ever really partake of so it affects me quite easily). So I figured I’d manage. Not the smartest… I know, I know.
The thing is, because I was feeling a tad gibbled, I immediately became THE MOST CONSCIENTIOUS AND RESPONSIBLE CYCLIST IN THE WORLD.
I had my helmet (naturally) and then proceeded to clip on all four of my red blinking lights… two on my bike and the others on my person. I looked like the red light district on a bike. err on the side of caution, no?
I then proceeded to bike with ramrod perfectly straight posture and anytime I changed lanes or turned a corner my signalling consisted of overtly obvious gesticulating and well in advance.
never mind that there wasn’t a single car in sight the ENTIRE ride home… or person for that matter.
Which I started to clue in to as I was sitting in the dead silence of a red light intersection.
That’s when I kind of had a panicky moment… and may have convinced myself that a zombie apocalypse had happened and everyone was either dead or a zombie and I was going to die. So, I proceeded to bike the rest of the way at break neck speed, lights a-flashing, because quite frankly you’re pretty exposed on a bicycle and although I’m more of a shuffler-zombie fan I’m not going to discount the possibility that there could be runners too.
I realize how ridiculous this all sounds but I may have succumbed to a brief interlude of paranoia.
Anyway… so basically my bike was back in my possession, I got home safe and sound, and no zombies bit me.